So now officially my life sucks. The only past, present, and future things I can talk about is grammar-related. I AM MISERABLE. I am the sort of person I never imagined I would be. Where did everything start to go wrong???
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There's this woman, and she had the courage to "leave" her children and focus on herself. I admire her for her guts and her honesty. In truth, I want to be like her...I want to be her. I wish to return to the person I was before I became a mother. Motherhood clearly isn't for me. Whoever said motherhood is the greatest job was obviously not a mother. This woman I refer to, she said, "I knew it (being a mom) would swallow me up. I didn't want to sacrifice myself for someone else." THIS is what my heart has been screaming to say all along! These are my words, unspoken, embedded deep, deep in my soul. I desperately want to be unbound and set free, not tied down to this obligation of rearing an ungrateful, disrespectful, and arrogant child. I suppose I would have still resented being a mom even if he were cooperative, sensitive, and appreciative, but I would not have felt as wretched.
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I pinch myself to prove I am alive, but my spirit's dead. It has died along with my dreams and wishful thoughts of a quiet simple life full of joyful memories. The shoebox of happiness I thought would be filled to the brim by now is empty.